Not My Immortal
by oOoLovelyAnklesoOo
Summary: Prep Ivory Li'ght Smile River Way is in the place of Ebony. In case you wanted to know what it'd be like if My Immortal had been about preps rather than goffs.
1. Chapter 1

_**Names are changed and stuff because this is a weird parallel of Tara Gilesbie's story. I refuse to use such appalling spelling and grammar as what was used in My Immortal. Even for the sake of comedy, even if I'm not funny. Enjoy. This is a prep Ebony thing. Let me know if it's been done before. Yes, this will be a Mary Sue. I have warned you. I'm a very sarcastic person so read this sarcastically if you'd like because that's how I am writing it.**_

**This is where I thank my gf, but of ****_course_**** not in that way, Raina *inserts a username. I am not dragging my friends into this*for helping me with the story even though you don't exist and I know nobody named Raina. You rock. Jayden, you are the love of my flowery life, even though you do not exist. MCR rocks...don't know why I had to add that. But I actually do like them. What would you say in a parallel? Nicki Minaj rocks?**

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><p>Hiya! I'm Ivory Li'ght Smile River Way. I may seem like a hippie, but I'm not. I have short platinum blonde hair (that's how I got my name) with dark blonde streaks and brown tips that reaches my chin and chocolate brown eyes like chocolatey chocolate and a lot of people tell me I look like Hillary Duff. I'm a pixie but I'm the normal height of a human and my wings are invisible. I have bronze tan skin and I'm also a witch. I got to a magical school called Hogwarts in England (I didn't know England was in Scotland now) where I'm in my seventh year. I'm 17 if you haven't guessed. I'm a prep (if you couldn't tell) and I wear pink and I love Forever 21. I buy <em>everything <em>there. I mean _everything._ For example, if you wanted to know what I was wearing every hour of the day then you're in for a treat with this story, today I wore pink skinny jeans with some of those fuzzy Uggs and a tight pink shirt with an AE logo on the front of the shirt and a flower design on the back. I wore bright pink lipstick and eye shadow and some eyeliner and mascara. I also threw on some more bronzer while I was at it. I was walking outside of Hogwarts. The sun was out and birds were singing. That made me feel very flowery inside. A lot of goths stared at me and I smiled and waved but they stuck up their middle fingers at me and I returned the gesture. These people are rude.

"Hey Ivory!" shouted somebody behind me. I looked around and saw Draco Malfoy!

"What's up, Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said shyly.

Then I heard my friends calling my name and I went away.

**I don't know why I can't type properly today. So if you see errors then let me know. **


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm missing curse words because I don't like too cuss. And the spelling errors are gone because I would die in the process of doing it on purpose. **

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The next, beautiful day I woke up in my bedroom. I was sunny outside again. I pulled off my fuzzy pink blankets and drank some strawberry soda from the mini fridge next to my bed. My bed was pink with a pink silk comforter and fuzzy pink blankets and pillows and a pink canopy. I got out of bed and took off my big Jonas Brothers t-shirt that I used for PJs. Then I put on a pink plaid shirt, a pink skirt that went just above my knees and a pink sweater. I put on some pink converses and pulled my hair back with some smiley face hair clips. I put on a big butterfly necklace and a pair of pink studded earrings.

My bestie, Smith (the friend's original name was Willow and all I could think of was 'Smith') woke up and smiled happily. She had light brown hair that went to her waist and she had big green eyes. She put on a Britney Spears crop top, tight pink pants with white lines going down the sides, pink shoes, pink and white make up and we got ready together.

"OMIGAW I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said super happy.

"Yeah? so?" I said, my cheeks red.

"Do you like him?" she asked as we suddenly went out of the Gryffindor common room apparently and into eh Great Hall.

"NO I SO FRICK FRAKIN' DON'T!' I yelled for some reason.

"Yeah right!" she yelled back. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi," he said.

'Hi,' I replied trying to be flirty and cute.

"Guess what," he said.

"What?"

"Well, One Direction is having a concert in Hogsmeade,' he said.

'OMAHGAW!" I yelled a lot. "I LOVE THEM!"

"Well...do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I. Gasped.


	3. Chapter 3

**(I'm glad people are liking this story so far.) Thanks to the cool preps who left good reviews. Thanks again, Rain or whatever name I made up in chapter one. By the way I own nothing by 1D.**

00000ooooo0000

On the night of the concert I put on pink Keds. Under that I wore some pink leggings and a denim skirt and a pink halter top. I then put on a necklace with Niall's face on it that was in a heart around my neck. I felt very happy for some reason and started to talk about how happy I was on Twitter and I listened to Kelly Clarkson. I painted my nails bright pink with Hello Kitty on the thumb nails. I also put on all pink makeup. Bright pink lipstick, eye shadow, eye liner, whatever else. I was going to put on some bronzer but I was already really tan so I didn't. I drank some cherry soda as I waited outside. Draco showed up in front of his flying car.

He was wearing a navy blue polo shirt, white cargo shorts, a sweater tied around his neck. He was looking very spiffy.

"Hi Draco!" I said ecstatically.

"Hi Ivory," he replied. We got in to his flying white Mercedes-Benz (the license plate reading 777) and flew to the place where the concert would be held. On the way there we listened to 1D. We didn't smoke or drink, rather we prayed because drugs are bad. When we got there we got out of the car, as happy as could be. We went to the front of the stage and danced around as we listened to 1D.

"You and I  
>We don't wanna be like them<br>We can make it 'til the end  
>Nothing can come between<br>You and I  
>Not even the gods above<br>Can separate the two of us" sang whoever sings that part in 1D.

"He is so hawt!" I yelled to Draco, pointing at him as he sang so beautifully.

Draco looked sad suddenly.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we danced. "Oh."

"I could never like him as much as I like you!" I reassured him smiling.

"Really?" he said as he put his arm around my waist.

"Really." I smiled more. "Besides, he's dating some weird goth chick."

The night went well. We had such a great time! After the concert we talked to the members of 1D and got their autographs and pictures with them. After we bought a bunch of 1D shirts and bracelets we got back in to Draco's car. We were on our way back to Hogwarts when suddenly he drove another way. Right into...The Forbidden Forest!

000ooooOOO


	4. Chapter 4

**Ivory's name is Ivory, guys, not Mary Sue! Chill your dill! Draco loves her blah blah blah that's why he's acting so differently blah blah blah.**

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"Draco, what the frickity fracks are you doing?!"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped his car and walked out of it. I got out too.

"What the frick fracking hick hecks?!" I asked angrily.

"Ivory?" he asked.

"What?!" I said.

Draco leaned in super close and I looked into his prep-ilicious blue eyes. It revealed so much deep emotion and happiness. Then...he kissed me passionately! He climbed on me and we started making out against a tree, the bark cutting into my skin. He took off my top and I took off his clothing in return, although i struggled with the sweater tied around his neck. I almost strangled him, turns out he's into that. I even took off my bra. Then he put his bear in my cave. And we sexual-ed!

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" I screamed. I was starting to get an orgasm despite for having sex for only a few seconds. We started to kiss everywhere and my bronze body was warm. And then...

"What the hik-heks are you doing you motherlovers!"

It was...Dumbledore!

0000oooo0o0o0o0o0


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm listening to Linkin Park for the first time since I was 13-ish. I thought it'd help channel the goff in me (even though I used to be really into the _real _Goth subculture. I'm really loosely associated with it now. But I still appreciate it.)**

000ooo0o0o0O

Dumbledore made Draco and I follow him. He yelled at us very angrily.

"You little morons!" he shouted.

I started to cry glitter-tears down my tan face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who looked very angry for some reason.

"They were having the sexuals in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled, furious.

"How dare you!" Snape said.

"Why did you do that? You idiots!" McGonagall yelled.

Then Draco howled, "Because I love her!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Prof. Mc-G still looked mad but Snape said "Fine, whatever, go away."

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers scowled.

"Are you alright, Ivory?" he asked me.

"Yeah, sure," I lied. I went to the girl'd dorm and brushed my teeth with magical tree sap, normal human tooth paste isn't enough to keep my fairy teeth white. I changed into an outfit like Stella's from the Winx Club. Whne I came out Draco was there! He was singing All Of Me by John Legend. I was flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be here. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said good night and he went away.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey you! I thought I'd unwind from writing a monster of a research paper and three tests by writing this. **

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><p>The next day I woke up in my canopy bed. I put on a bright ink miniskirt that had Hillary Duff's face on the butt and a pink tee shirt from AE that had 'Prep' on the front in rhinestones. I put some pink rose earrings in my ears and dyed some pink streaks in my hair.<p>

In the Great Hall, I ate some Fruit Loops with liquefied pixie dust in it and a glass of milk. Suddenly someone bumped into me! The pixie dust got all over my shirt and sparkled everywhere!

"Hey, douche-canoe!" I shouted. I regretted saying it when I looked up because I was looking into the dace of a tanned boy with short brown hair that was spiked up a little in the front. He wore a baby blue polo shirt and khakis. He had a beautiful English accent. He didn't wear glasses and his scar was turned into an eagle like the logo for AE. He was so hot just like Justin Timberlake. I got all red and hot but I cooled it down because I didn't want to get a lady boner.

"I'm so sorry," he said shyly.

"That's alright. What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Harry Potter, although, most people just call me Pixie-Boy these days," he grumbled.

"Why?!" I exclaimed for some reason.

"Because I'm really into Pixies." He winked.

"Well, I'm a pixie!" I confesses.

"No way, really?!"

"Yeah!" I roared, causing everyone int he Hall to jump as though they'd heard a lion or something.

We sat down for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and said he ahd a surprise for me. So I went with him.

thu end


	7. Chapter 7, I'm Walking on Sunshine

**Yoo here's some more stuff. I'm waiting for a livestream to start and I have no work to do. I was kidding when I said 'thu end' in the last chapter. I just felt like adding it. I'm far from done. I hope to write the entire fanfic, maybe add my own ending and do that hacked ending, in prep-form.**

**Is this where I cry that Ivory isn't a Mary Sue? Pfft of course she's no- *chokes on words***

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><p>Draco and I held our sun kissed hands with pink nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing bunnies on my nails with white and red nail polish. I waved to Pixie Boy. He looked suave yet sad. Maybe he was jealous I was dating Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then...we started to put our tongues in each others faces and took off each other's clothing with enthusiasm. He felt me up before I took off my top. Then I took off my feathery Victoria's Secret bra before taking off his khaki shorts. We went ont he bed and started to make out naked. Then he put his giggily wiggily in mine and we had sexuals.<p>

"Ooh Draco!" I shouted, getting an organism. Then I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's left butt cheek. A big red heart with a frilly outside and int he middle in black writing was "Pixie Boy Potter."!

I was pissed.

"You bastard!"

I jumped out of bed.

"No! No! You don't understand!" he pleaded but I knew too much.

"No, you moron!" I yelled at him. "You probably did the frick fracks in the bick back!"

I put on my clothes very angrily and stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a very biggily wiggily but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Pixie Potter's classroom. He was having a lesson with Snape and some other people.

"PIXIE BOY POTTER, YOU MOTHER TOUCHER!" I yelled.

dun dun dun


	8. Chapter 8

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room despite being nude and started begging me to take him back.

"Ivory, it's not what you think!" Draco moaned sadly.

My bestie C'hristmas Mary Smith smiled at me understandingly. She flipped her waist-length blonde hair and opened her purple eyes, she was wearing color contacts. She had sun kissed skin and was wearing some blush and mascara. We used to call her Hermione until we found out she and her parents were all born on December 25th so we just call her C'hristmas. As for the Mary part of her name? She's super saintly like the virgin Mary. And her mother remarried some guy with the last name Smith so her name is Smith instead of Granger now.

"What is it that you desire, you barnacle heads!" Snape snapped coldly. I ignored him.

"Pixie, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I yelled at him.

Everyone gasped.

Suddenly Ivory's mind was switched with Draco's but neither of them cared and Draco thought while in Ivory's body.

I don't know why she's so mad at me. I went out with Pixie Boy (I'm bi and so is Ivory because bi is fly) for a while but then he broke up with me. He then went out with some weird emo chick named Ebony. We were just good friends at this point. He had gone through a weird emo phase but now he's preppy and cool like us now.

And the brain switch happened again.

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" Pixie said.

"Yeah, sure, whatever! Screw all of you, I'm outtie!" and I sprinted away. I stumbled my way into the Forbidden Forest and collapsed against the tree where I did the sex with Draco. I began to sob, the glittery tears sticking to my face like glue.


	9. Chapter 9

**ayyyyee I am actually starting to really enjoy this! u werd goffs an emoss stup flamming i didnt red all da boks (I actually haven't though!) abablagagagasiodfjaulidfhoisdfjods**

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><p>I was so angry and upset. I couldn't believe Draco had cheated onme! I began crying more against the tree where I did the do.<p>

Then, suddenly, a terrifying man with red eyes and no nose started flying towards me on a broomstick. Voldemort!

"No!" I screeched. Then Voldemort "Imperius!" and I was stuck.

"Crookshanks!" I shouted and the fluffy orange cat sprang from the forest and started to claw at his face. Voldemort screamed as he was knocked off his broomstick. I felt kinda bad for him, despite him being the dark lord and all.

"Ivory! You shall kill Pixie Boy Potter!"

I thought about him and his gorgeous eyes and soft looking hair and how cute he looked like Channing Tatum. In a flash of random insight at a bad time, I thought to myself, '_what if Draco is right? Maybe I don't understand. What if Draco and PB dated before Draco and I were together?_'

"No!" I shouted.

Voldemort gave me a gun and I looked at it confused, why would I need this? I have a wand...but that's too much logic for me. I'll just accept it.

"You must do it!" he said. "If no, I'll destroy Draco!"

"How did you know!?" I yelled.

He had a look on his face like he thought I was stupid.

"I have cameras in your bedro- I mean, I'm psychic!" he said. "And if you don't kill Pixie Potter, then you know what will happen!" And he flew away.

I was shaking and scared. I didn't know what to do. Then Draco came into the woods.

"Uh, Draco, hi," I said awkwardly.

"Hey," he said with a sad face.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"No. Not really."

"I'm sorry for getting mad at you. I thought you were chating on me," I said.

"It's ok." he still look sad as we went into Hogwarts again. I kissed him and we did a tongue fight again.


	10. Chapter 10

I was very afraid of Voldemort that day. I was upset even throughout my band rehearsal. My band was a Synth-pop-dubstep band called Lovely Fluffy Daises 777. I am the lead singer and I play the guitar. We've been told we sound like Skrillex crossed with Taylor Swift. The others in the band include C'hristmas Mary, Pixie, Draco, Ron (although we call him Winston for no apparent reason.) and Hargrid. But today Draco didn't show up and Pixie was sad so they didn't come. We just wrote songs, despite the fact that we only did covers of pre-existing songs. I knew Draco was probably doing typical prep dude stuff like working out or something. And Pixie was probably watching movies like Pirates of the Caribbean.

I was wearing a neon pink crop top that showed off my boobies and a pink mini skirt that had 'Nicki M.' across the butt in dark pink letters. I'm not a slut, I swear.

We were singing a cover of Super Bass by Nicki Minaj and by the end I began to cry.

"Ivory, are you ok?" C'hristmas asked in a concerned voice.

"What the frick frack paddle wacks do you think?!" I shouted. I continued. "Voldemort came and told me to kill Pixie! I don't want to, he's super nice! Even if he and Draco did the do. But if I don't kill him, then Voldemort will kill Draco!" I cried harder.

Draco popped out from nowhere.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!" he screamed. "How could you-You-you freak!"

I cried even more. Draco cried also and ran away. We practiced more, ignoring what just happened, for about an hour. Then Dumbledore walked in huffily.

"What have you DONE?!" he cried. "Ivory, Draco has been found dead in his room! He went in there and a dumbbell fell from a shelf and crushed his face!"

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN


	11. Chapter 11

"No!" I shrieked! I was mortified. C'hristmas Mary tried to comfort me but I threw her off and ran to my room, crying. Dumbledore chased me but stopped at my door. Because if he'd gone in it'd be weird.

I began to cry glittery tears and the glitter got all over my clothing. Stupid Art Herpes. I took off my clothes and got into the bath. I put some pink bubble bath and bath salts in it. The bubbles surrounded me as the tub water turned pink. I turned on Drake and cranked it up all the way. I grabbed a T-Bone steak and stuck it to my chest. The blood from the raw meat slid down my body and I sighed.

Why did I do that?

I got out of the tub and put on a white summer dress with a cute floral design and white flip flops with daises on them. Then I put rose earrings in my ears. I couldn't believe this. Then I peeked out the window and gasped. Snape was was video taping me! And Loopin was masticating on a a ham and cheese sandwich to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"UGh you people are freaks! Stop looking at me!" I screamed and put on a fuzzy pink towel that had 'princess' written on it. Just then, Pixie Boy ran in!

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin, pointing his stomach at them. I took out a pink gun and shot them a bunch with pink panda bullets and they screamed. The camera was broken. Suddenly, Dumbledore ran in.

"Ivory, it has been revealed that someone has-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed, looking at Snape and Loopin and he waved his wand at them. Then...Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said, "Everyone, we need to talk!"

Or, at least that's what we thought he said. We watched as he ran around on the ground, mounted on his broom like a child on a broom-horse. Then he pulled out a mega phone and yelled to us through it.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a stupid Hogwarts student!" Nobody in particular yelled down to him.

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT..." he paused. "BUT I'M ALSO A PASTAFARIAN!"

"This can't be!" Snape said, his bloody hand dripping everywhere. "There must be other factors.

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I screamed wildly.

Loopin held up the camera happily. "The lens may be ruined, but the tape is still there!"

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when your glitter-levels are low.

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin asked. At this point I had zoned out because the conversation was boring and made no sense.

"BECAUSE...BECAUSE..." Hargrid said and paused, shooting into the air on his broomstick finally. He waved his wand and sang to the tune of a preppy version of a song by Evanescence.

"Because you're a prep?" Snape asked, a little irritated.

"BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" he screamed through his megaphone, causing our ear drums to shake.


	12. Chapter 12

**Should I start spelling the names wrong? I wish I had made Ivory a normal person who lives through all this stupid stuff, just confused and trying to get a decent education. She actually makes a lil sense in this chapter!**

**000o0o0o0o0o0o7770OooooOOoOoOoO**

I was about to fly myself into a wall or something because of this. I shouldn't want to kill myself but I couldn't go on without him.

"NO!" I thought Hagrid had screamed in all caps. But it was Pixie Boy. He screamed more. "Nooooo my scar huuuurrtttssss!" and then...his eyes rolled up and you could only see his whites!

I stopped.

"How did you know?" I asked stupidly.

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into a lightning bolt!"

"Now way!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have the scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do. But changed it into the AE logo for me and I always cover it up with lots of spray on tan stuff," he replied. "Anyway, my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me!" he said for some reason. "Then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco. He and Voldemort are doing some kind of BDSM bondage stuff."

I teleported to the school nurse's office to recover from my low glitter levels. Snape and Loopen and Hairygrid were there too. They were going to Saint Mango's, a mango plantation, to live out their days laboring among the mango trees for being pervs. Dumbledore was constipated and promised to destroy the video of me naked later. I put up my middle finger at them.

Hairgrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of black roses. I felt weirded out and pushed him out of my bed.

He dusted himself off and stood by me.

"Ivory, I need to tell you something!" he said very seriously. He gave me the roses.

"Nah." I told him. "Why would you give me these ugly dead things anyway? I don't like freaks like you!" I snapped. Hargrid had mean to me before for being so preppy and cute.

"No Ivory, they aren't roses," he said.

"What are they then? Are they preps too?" I asked because he had brought me dead roses.

"I saved you big time!" he yelled.

"No you didn't! You saved me from being like Kim Kardashian!"

"I stopped it from being viewed by Snape and Loopin who was going to masturbate to it." he muttered.

"Whatever!" I scoffed.

He pointed his wand at the roses. "These aren't roses." He then looked at them intensely. Then he started to mutter, "I'm gonna pop some tags, only got 20 dollars in my pocket."

"That's not a spell, that's a Macklemore song," I said, I'm so smart.

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cords!" Then he started to screech, "Theo Storii Ofo Uso Taylorio Swiftio!"

I covered my ears; my ear drums rattled.

Then the roses burst into flames. Pink flames that were pink and floating! And they were pink! I knew he wasn't some goth freak now!

"Ok, I believe you. Where is Draco?"

He rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flames but couldn't see anything.

"You see, Ivory," DumbleDORK said, watching me watching the flames watching Hargrid. "You must find yourself to see into the flames!"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF, YOU STUPID GEEZER!"Hargrid yelled. DUMBledorelooked angry.

Hargrid stormed off to his bed. 'You're a liar, Dumbledora!"

Anyway, when I got better I went upstairs and put on a pink tee shirt that said Angel in white curly letters and black booty shorts and pink ballet flats. Then I put on a bunch of colorful bracelets and put my hair up in a pink hair bow. Then I put on some pink lipstick and white eye shadow with some pink too and then blush.

"You look so bonita, hija!" C'hristmas Mary said cheerfully. "Thankies, you too!" I said ecstatically back. I was still sad so I cried more in my room and the glitter got everywhere again. I cried in my bathroom and closed the blinds so no pervs looked. I went to some classes. Pixie Boy was in the Hair of a magical creature. I pulled him out of there and he looked sad that Draco was gone. He had crawled into a Troll's hair out of sadness.

"Hi," he said sadly.

"Hi back," I said.

We both looked at each other for a while. Pixie had such pretty eyes, so much like Draco's. Then...he started to put screws in my lady stuff.

"STOP THAT, YOU FREAKS!" shouted Professor McGoogle who was watching us so was everyone else. How long have they been here?

"You douchebag, Pixie!" I slapped him. "Stop trying to put screws in me! You know Draco is the only one allowed to do that!" Then I ran away.

Suddenly he screamed. I looked back, confused.

"Nooo my scar hurts!"

I walked slowly back up to him. His eyes rolled up and you could see the whites of his eyes.

"Wait, didn't this happen before?" I asked.

"My scarrrrrr!"

"Uh, don't you no longer have that?" I asked, unsure what else to say.

"I do but Winston changed it into the AE logo for me and I always keep bronzer on it." he replied. "My scar hurts! Then I had a vision of what's happening to Draco...Voldemo-"

"BDSM type stuff?"

He looked at me in shock.

"Y-yeah- how did you..."

"IDK."


	13. Chapter 13

**I have a paper to write. I don't want to do it!**

OOOOOOOOO777OOOOOO000O0O0O0O

Pixie and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumble-Bee. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore, Dumbledore!" we shouted as he walked into the room.

"Ugh what do you little brats want?" he snorted at us.

"Voldemort has Draco!" we told him.

He laughed in a very cruel way.

"We need to save him omg!" we begged.

"Nope. I don't care what happens to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved with you, Ivory!" he said as he frowned. "Besides, I never liked him much anyway!" he said just like any good headmaster. Pixie Boy began to cry.

"Oh, Draco, my bb Draco!" he moaned. (So hawtt)

"It's ok!" I tried comforting him. He cried even harder, the tears flowing down his face like a river. Then he had a brainblast!

"I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What was it?" I asked, the author cackled because she's always wanted someone to reply with that.

"You will see!" he said and then he took out his wand and did a spell. Then...we were in Voldemort's lair!

We ran with our wands out just as we heard a crooning, "Anna Karenina!"

It was ...Voldemort, with a whip in hand and a copy of Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy in the other. He was dressed as a Leather Daddy.


	14. Chapter 14

**I just want to throw this out there. I understand what BDSM is and what it's really about, trust and sexuals, and it's not about abuse or anything. I just thought it'd be funny to add in because everyone makes jokes about these chapters that way.**

**Funny enough, I'm listening to Evanescence while writing this. I should probably be listening to Taylor Swift though.**

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><p>WARNING: NONE OF THIS CHAPTER IS ACTUALLY VERY SCARY BUT READ WITH CAUTION. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.<p>

We ran towards him. But it turns out he wasn't there at all. Instead the dude who killed Cedric was there, whatever his name was amirite? Draco was crying profusely. Snaketell was reading Anna Karenina to him! Pixie and I ran in front of him.

"Rid my sight of you dispicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with pink ak-47s with Hello Kitty on them. Then, despite his massive blood loss, he looked at me and fell to his knees with love in his eyes.

"Plz, Ivory, have sex with meh!" he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Ivory, sexualize with me!" he said. I started to laugh at him..

"You tortured my boyfriend with books he doesn't like and then ask me to frackle with you? Nah, bastard," I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart with my wand. Blood poured out like a fountain. I was surprised he still had that much blood in him after how much he had been bleeding all this time.

"NUUUUUUUUUUU!" he screamed. He screamed and ran around. Then he finally died. I burst into tears.

"Snaketail, what are you doing?" called Voldemort. Then...he was coming to us. We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks, even though we hadn't brought them in the first place, and flew off to Hogwarts. We went to my room and Pixie went to his. I began to cry again.

"What's wrong, sugar tits?" Draco asked already taking his clothes off so he could put screws in me again. He had a sixity pack and a biggity wiggity.

"It's soo unfair!" I yelled. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all the other chicks and freaks here! Except for C'hristmas, she's not ugly or anything." Because it wasn't like I just killed someone or knew what guilt was.

"Why would you wanna be uggo? I don't like those freaky goth emo freaks! They're such sloots!" Draco answered.

"Yeah, but everyone is in love with me! Snape, Loopin, Hargrid, Vampire, and even Snaketail! I just want to be with you, Draco, ok? Why couldn't the great fairy god make me uggo?!" I began to screech loudly. (totes not a snob) "I'm good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL?! IT'S A CURSEEEEE!" I shouted and ran away, glitter flying off my face from the tears.


	15. Chapter 15

**Writing this makes me feel better and less stressed. Right now I'm unable to finish the movie I was supposed to write a paper about. It's getting worked out but the paper is due tomorrow at 10. I could always wing it and I probably will. I've passed many a papers doing that. I know, it's my fault for putting it off. **

**000000000000777OOOOOOOO**

"Ivory! Ivoryyyy!" Draco shouted. "No, please come back!"

But I was too full of blind, unnecessary anger.

"Whatevs! Now you can go and have sexuals with Pixie Boy!" I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed the pink door decorated with blue and green butterflies and locked it with my pink pit bull key. He was so hawt in a way that looked nothing like Draco and Pixie. I cried and blubbered. I threw my arms around and stomped my feet. Then I drank some liquefied glitter. Then I looked at my pink jeweled watch and notice it was time for Biology class, even though this is a magic school.

(At this point I'm just looking up Mean Girls and describing their outfits) I put on a a white mini skirt with pink polka dots and a black tank top that said 'Bling Bling' in fancy letters on my boobs. I put on some pink high heels and lots of pink make up and bronzer. I put my hair up in a cute pony tail. Anyway, I went downstairs feeling mad. I did some advanced Biology work because I'm a smart lil cookie. I was turning a cute fluffy bunny into a cute fluffy duckling. Suddenly it turned into Draco!

"Ivory, I love you!" he said. "I don't care what those freaks think! You are the most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I was about to become a goth. Now I just wanna be with you and stay a prep foreva! I love youuUU!" Then he broke out into song. He sang That's What Makes You Bootyfool by 1D. Right there. In front of the whole class. His voice was so hawt like Lil Wayne and Drake and Chris Brown all in one.

"OMG OMG OMG!" I said as he finished. Some freaks stared at us but we stuck out our tongues at them.

"I love you!" I screeched into the sky. We began to kiss like Hillary Duff (omg omg love herrr) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us all the way from the mango plantation but he stopped because everyone was clapping at us like you would at a cat that did something bad. Then I saw a poster saying Lorde would be having a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked shocked and then we ran there as quick as possible.


	16. Chapter 16

**I've been looking forward to this chapter. Anyways, u suk raina u dint give bak sweterr omggggg i hateee uuuuu aahhhhhh nywya thnx high school and college for teaching me Spanish.**

**oooooooOOO777****OOooooooo**

We skipped happily to Hogsmede. There was huge stage randomly int he street and there was Lorde singing with a band to back her up. She was singing Royals. She looked so hawt up close. Even Draco thought so, I could see he was getting a bit excited in the pantaloons but it didn't matter because I knew that were the only ones for one another. Until Pixie is brought up then that it's a different story. I was wearing a neon pink tube dress and pink high heels. Draco wore an Abercrombie polo shirt and Hollister jeans. Along with some socks and flip flops. We did a mouth battle. We danced. And we sang. And we had a really really really good time. We ran to the front only to find Lorde tugging at her face. She wasn't Lorde at all! She was...VOLDEMORT! AND THE BAND MEMBERS WERE DEATH DEALERS!

"What the frickles, Draco, I'm not going to the concert with you!" I shouted angrily, my shock fading as I turned on Draco. Voldemort was confused and looked at the Death Dealers in surprise and they shrugged in return.

"Not after what happened to me last time? Even if it was 1D and you know how much I like them!"

"What, because we...ya'know..." he mumbled. He was uncomfortable because he didn't like to talk about our special screw ceremony.

"Yeah! 'Cause we ya'know'ed!" I yelled.

Voldemort's confusion turned into anger.

"You idio-"

His voice was drowned out.

"We won't do it again!" he promised, despite the numerous times we did in the past. "This time we are gonna go with an escort!"

"A hooker?!"

"No!"

"Whatevs! Are you some kinda freak now?!"

"NOOO!" he yelled.

"Ivory, I'm not, I swear. Please come with me!" and he sang 'Roar' by Katy Perry. I was flattered because it was just for me.

"Ok. I guess I will go with you then." Then we did another face battle while we went back to Hogwarts and I went to my room.

C'hristmas was standing in the middle of my room.

"Que paso, chica!" she said happily. (My Spanish teachers would be so proud of me. They speak Spanish. That's 'what's up' in Spanish.)

"By the way! Smith, that stupid emo freak, omg yeah she was totes actually emo and stuff, got expelled! She failed all her classes and failed math!" (I HATE YOU RAINAAAAAAA).

"It serves that little sloot right!" I laughed.

Well anyhow we were in the mood for popcorn and movies so we had some poppycorn and watched Mean Girls.

"Maybe Smith will die!" I said like this was a normal thing to say casually.

"Que lindo." C'hristmas shook her head happily. "Oh yeah I have something to tell you. After she was expelled I killed her and then Loopin did the frickles with her body because he's into that."

"Que lindo!" I replied, again, as if this were a normal casual thing to talk about. We talked to each other silently, we read each other's lips in other words, for the rest of the movie.

"Hey, I'm totes gonna go to a Lorde concert in Hogsmede with Draco tonight!" I said.

"OMG let's go shopping!"

"Forever 21, right?!" I said as I took out my membership card.

"nAH."

My head snapped up at break neck speed (if only...).

"WAT!?" I couldn't believe this. "Are you some kind of freak?!"

"Nuuu nuuu!" she laughed. "I found a neat lil prep store! near Hogglewarts, that's all."

"Who told you about it?" I decided to grill her for some reason.

"Dumbdork." She smiled. "I'll call out brooms."

"DUMBLEDORE!?"

"Yep. I saw a map of Higsmeade on his desk. Let's go!"

We went into a lot of cute preppy store open only for the concert for some reason. The sales dude was sooo hawt like Drake but that isn't possible. He gave us some clothes. "These are for the cool preps only." He had the hottest Valley Girl/Boy accent ever.

"The cool preps?" we asked him.

"Yas, you wouldn't believe how many lame-os come in here. The other day Loopin and Snape were buying a frilly pink camera pouch." He shook his head. "I don't know how they escaped the mango plantation."

"OMG NUU THEY'RE GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I screeched at the top of my lungs while running across the store, totally not overreacting. I was wearing a pink jeweled bustier with a matching pink skirt that was jeweled at the hips and went to my ankles and they had slits that started nearly at the hips. I also had on some gold sandals.

"Omg gurl you look soo gorgeous in that!" the dude said.

"Yeah, so totes sexy!" C'hristmas exclaimed.

"You know what, gurl, I'm gonna give you that for free because you look so great in it, babe!" (Boy do I wish that was the case in real life). "Hey, are you going to the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yas, actually, I am." I looked back at him. "By the way, I'm Ivory Li'ght RIver Smile CEE Way! (totes didn't just add my name in that). What's yours?"

"Tom Riddilick!" he said as he ran his fingers through his hawt blonde hair. "Maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Uh, nah, 'cause I have a boyfriend. Ugh. Freak!" I yelled. But before he could beg me to luv hem Hargrid flew in on his broomstick worried.

"Omigawsh, Ivory, you gotta get back to the castle, like now!"


	17. Chapter 17

**I have something fabulous planned for the final chapter I will write. It's a while away but I'm so excited. It'll actually be pretty gory so yeah...I don't wanna spoil it but it involves a battle and people dying. I won't tell you more.**

**oooooooOOOOOoooooOoOoOoOoOOoOoOoOoOOOoOo**

Tom Ritalin gave us some clothes for free. He said he would help us with make up if we wanted because he was into fashion (turns our he's in the bi fly squad). Hargrid kept shouting for us to go back to Hoggiwarts.

"Ugh, go suck on your wand, you freak!" I shouted back. Anyway, Zombie Smith rose from the grave to join us. Hagrid went away angry.

"Hey, bae, you look totes bonita!" she said, her jaw hung slack because she was now a zombie.

"You look totes bonita too, gurl!" I said back. She was wearing a pink long sleeved sweater two cover up the dead skin and stab wounds. She also wore tight pink skinny jeans to hold the skin together on the bottom half. She sprayed herself with spray on tan. She looked a babe-alicious orange, much better than the rotting green. She also wore 10 gallons of perfume. While she made people even lightly allergic to perfume die on the spot within 30 miles of her, it masked the decay smell well. We wore clothes pins on our noses around her now.

"So, you're going to the concert with Draco?" she asked.

"Yas."

"I'm going with Diabolo!" she said. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo showed up. They looked so hawt. They thought we were too, you could tell. Diabolo wore a tight white muscle shirt and jean shorts and sandals. He had a spray on tan. Draco had one too. He wore a blue AE shirt and blue jeans from AE. He was also wearing the cologne from AE I liked and bracelets from there too. C'hristmas Mary was going to the concert with Clancy. Clancey was called Navel at first but it turns out that his parents were emo goth vampire freaks and he was relieved to find out they died. He came to our awesome preppy side. He wore a pair of pink shorts and a white button up shirt and he looked so hawt. We call him, of course, Clancy now. We got into Draco's flying car and flew off to the concert. On the way we snorted heronie, injected marijuanas, and other drug activities. Draco and I did a face fight while he drove, he almost hit an old lady on the side of the road! We made fun of freaks and soon we were there. I gasped.

Lorde looked so pretty! She was prettier in person! Her curly black hair and pretty eyes! We twerked as she sang. Then suddenly Lorde pulled off her face and the people in the band did so as well...COLDEMORT AND THE DEATH DEALERS!

"You idio-" he paused and looked to a death dealer beside him. "I am getting the most wicked sense of deja vu."

He turned his attention back to us. "You have failed to kill Pixie Boy! You must die...along with all your friends!"

"Nu, nuu, nuu plz nuuu!" we begged as he drew a dagger.

Suddenly a weird old man flew in on his broomstick. He had a long black beard and loooooong black hair. He was wearing a black robe that had some punk freak chick on the back and the words 'Avril Lavinge" on the front. He shot at Voldemort with a spell and he vanished. It was...DUMBDORK!


	18. Chapter 18

I woke up the next day in my canopy bed. I got out of it and put on some aqua eye shadow and eye liner and light pink lipstick and more bronzer. I put on a bright red mini skirt and white crop top that said 'tease' in rhinestones on the boobs. I was wearing a white belly ring that had my initials on it. Yes. Every initial in my name. All of them.

(The night before, Draco and I went to the school after Dumbledore chased Voldemort away. We flew there on our brooms, despite the fact that we had driven there. Mine was pink with frilly unicorns all over it. Draco had a blue one with 1D on it. We did the frickle frackle to a Backstreet Boys song.

Anyway, I went down to the Great Hall. The walls were painted black and the tables were too! There were posters of freak emo bands everywhere like Marilyn Manson and Linkin Park.

"Ugh what is all this crap?!" I shouted, going to sit with C'hristmas Mary and Smith. C'hristmas was wearing pink skinny jeans with a tight pink shirt that said 'Baby' on it in pretty writing. Smith wore a red tube dress and red stilettos. Pixie Boy, Clancy, and Draco came. We talked about who was hotter, Iggy A., Nicki Minaj, or Ariana Grande.

The answer is all of them.

"They are so fab!" Neville Clancy said. Then a freaky looking old dude with a black beard came. He was the same one who chased away Voldemort! He had pale skin and was wearing black make up.

"DUMBLEDOREEEE?!" we all gasped.

"What the heckies?! I thought he was just wearing that to scare away VOLDEMORT!" I screamed.

"Hello, everyone." He was so cheery for a freak! "As you can see, I gave he roo a make over. What do you think?"

Everyone else, such emo freaks, cheered. While we, the cool prep crowd, looked around with distaste. We couldn't believe they had taken over.

"By the way, call me Alberto!" he called as he left.

"Ugh what a gross old freak!" Draco screeched. We went to Transformation class. I held Draco's hand. Pixie Boy looked jelly. I could see him glowing with envy. But I didn't say anything.

"I bet it's a mid life crisis!" Smith bellowed.

I was so angry!


	19. Chapter 19, starships

I was plotting taking over the school from the freaks. What was Dumbdork thinking?! I had something to look forward too, though. Lorde personally postponed her concert just for me and my friends. Just us. We're that special.

Anyway, I went to the common room to cut class. Draco was acting secretive. I asked what it was and he got steamed and cried a little.

"Nobody understands me!" he screeched as his hair got into his eyes. He was wearing blue cargo shorts, a white tank top, and sandals. I was wearing a pink silk low cut dress with lace all over it and white high heels and a heart belly ring. My hair was up in a cute ponytail.

"Excuuuuuse me?!" I growled, the demon rumbling deep inside me. "What about me?!"

"B-b-b-b-but-"

"NO 'BUT', YOU BASTARD!"

"It's not what it looks like! Why are you so mad? Wha-"

"Ugh you're such a selfish prick!" I got up and stormed away to the bathroom. He may not know why I was mad, but I did and I wasn't sharing why with raged against the door like a dog. I cried a little and flailed my arms around and stomped my feet and screamed. Why didn't this work here?! I started to smoke some rolled up pixie dust.

Suddenly Hagrid popped in.

"You gave me a fright!" I gasped, dropping my glitter-ette. "What are you doing in here?!"

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else popped in too! It was Dumbdork.

"Hey, I need to ask you something!" he said, pulling out his stupid goff purse. "What are you wearing to the concert?"

"Why are you going, you emo freak?!" I scoffed.

"Idk I thought Lorde was totes hawt and punk!"

"Uh, no, stupid, she is soo not. Maybe you should go to a A Day To Remember concert with those emo freaks in Slytherin."

He was so pathetic.

"Fine. I'll go ask Enoby instead. She's probably waaay cooler than you!" And he vanished.

Hargrid shrugged and said, "Draco has a surprise for you."


	20. Chapter 20

I spent the day wondering what this surprise might be. Meanwhile, I decided to put on a tight white skirt with pink zig zags. I put on a pink bustier and some cute bracelets with duckies and cats on them. I also put on a pair of white uggs. Lorde promised to do the concert again. Without Voldemort being there. I twerked around my room to Tennis Court in my bedroom all night, getting pumped. Suddenly someone knocked on the door. I got mad, turned off my music, and stomped to the door. I swung it open and saw Loopin.

"Whaaaaat are you doing here?"" I asked.

"Uh, well, I escaped from the mango plantation. I need to ask for some condoms," he asked.

"So you can frickle some underage girl? Nah." I slammed the door in his face.

"You suck!" he yelled from the other side.

Anyway, I went to put on some spray on tan. I also applied some fake eye lashes and pink eye shadow and blush and some red lip stick. Then I went into the hallway. Then...Snape and Loopin were fracking int he middle of the hall! And Dobby was watching!

I screamed in horror.

"OMG OMG OMG YOU IDIOT!" they screamed at me. Dobby ran away crying. Ugh these freaks!

"This is why you needed condoms?!" I yelled.

"You wouldn't give me any!" Loopin yelled back.

"Well you should've told me!" I yelled.

"You moron!" Snape began to scream in anger. Then I took out my iPhone 8 (my rich dad got me it for me waaaayyyy before it was to be released!) and took a picture of them. You could see they were naked.

"What was that for?!" they bellowed.

"So I can blackmail you freaks. Just in case you feel like ratting out my bae and I for fracking in the Great Hall then I can always show this to Dumbledore." I ran off. They chased me but I threw a band-aid from my arm at them and they shrieked and stopped running. I went outside to find Pixie Boy looking sooo hawt.

"Where is Draco?" I asked.

"Ah, that bastard? He told me he wasn't going." Vampire shrugged. "Come with me, babe. To the concert."

Then he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a white Mustang! He said his godfather got it for him. The license plate said 'Ivory4Eva' on the front. The back one said 'IvoryTheBae'.

I gasped.

We flew off to the concert hall. Lorde was singing and we ran to the crowd. Pixie Boy and I made out a bit and twerked. I gasped, looking at Lorde. She was so rad! I almost had an organism! Her voice filled the room. Then...I heard crying somehow over the crowd and Lorde. I turned to find Draco crying in a corner.


	21. Chapter 21

**Any suggestions for other bad fanfictions to parody? I really like doing this. It gives me something entertaining to do when I'm bored. Message me if you have any. **

* * *

><p>Later we all went into the school. Draco was still wailing in the common room. We sat next to him.<p>

"Draco, are you ok?" I said in my sexy Valley Girl accent.

"No, you stupid skank!" he blubbered. He ran away and I cried. He was being such a douche!

_Why is he so mad at me? _I asked myself completely unaware of how crappy I am to everyone.

"It's ok, Ivory." Pixie Boy put his hand on my shoulder. "I'll go talk to him."

"You mean you'll go put screws in him!" I wailed. Then I ran to get Draco. Pixie Boy followed.

We ran to the corner he was sobbing in. Tears ran down his tan face. It was kinda hot.

And then...we heard footsteps. Pixie Boy got out his invisibility Coke. He poured it over us and we turned invisible. Ugh. This would never come out of this shirt! Mr. Norris, Mrs. Norris's husband, walked by with a flashlight in his mouth.

"MEOWWW MEOW MERROWWW!" His meows were muffled by the flashlight a bit. Then Filth, Filch's twin brother whom he doesn't speak of often, crawled around on the floor near our feet. He started to sniff the air.

"Who is here?!" he muttered. He stood and put his hand out. He wiped the Coke off our faces and just at that moment Pixie kissed me!

"What-" Filth said. We began to run away. Then we found Draco. He teleported to a new corner. He was crying while pumping some iron.

"Draco, are you ok?" I asked.

"I guess," he said with a sigh. We went to his bedroom, making out. Pixie Boy awkwardly tagged along. We watched White Chicks and sat on the bed. As I was about to put the movie in, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision! What I saw was happening now! There was a knock on the door and Fudge and the Ministry of Magic walked into the school!

OMG


	22. Chapter 22

All day everyone talked about the Ministry of Magic. Anyway, onto something more important. Me. I woke up on that day in my canopy bed. I was wearing a cute lacy pink slip with flowers on it. I gasped. In front of me was C'hristms Mary, Pixie Boy, Winston, Clancey, and Smith!

I opened my beautiful ocean blue eyes because I was actually looking at them through my eye lids the whole time. Smith was wearing a (oh my lord here we go. Pray for me) a tight light blue AE top with pictures of pink roses on it. Under that was a poofy pink skirt with Nicki Minaj's face on it and pink flip flops. Pixie was wearing a swanky men's tank top that had a beach scene on it that said 'Salt Life' and tan colored cargo shorts and flip flops. Draco wore a white Drake tee shirt and blue jeans from AE. He looked so hawt omg like I can't even! C'hristmas Mary wore a cute tight neon pink tube dress with her boobers in view. Amanda (who is Ginny apparently) was there too. She wore a pair of pink booty shorts with hearts on them and a pink crop top and Keds. So were Crabbe and Goyle. It turns out that Amanda, Crabbe, and Goyle's dads were pixies. He found them after searching for his missing kids. He took very good care of them and taught them the preppy ways of living.

"Ohmahgaw!" I yelled and jumped up. "Why are you all here?!"

"ivory, something is wrong," Draco told me.

"Ok, but can I change first?" I scoffed.

"It's ok. We have to go now and you look muyyyy bonita anyway! You are so hawt!" Draco said ina sexy way.

'Oh, alright." I smiled back. "But you all have to tell me what's going on soon."

"I will, bb," he said.

So I put on some pink eyeliner, pink lipstick, pink eye shadow, more spray on tan, and blush. Then I came to wherever they were. We all went outside to the Great Hall and watched. An emo freak called Evillee Evilson was next to us. She wore a black mini skirt with chains all over it and fishnet things on her arms and legs and big clunky boots and a black My Chemical Romance shirt. We rolled our eyes at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledore. Rumbridge was there too.

"This cannot be!" she shouted in anger. "The school must be closed!"

"The Dark Lord is going to kill the students!" Cornelia Fudge yelled. Recently, Cornelius underwent the surgery to transition to a female. We are all very supportive of her and proud.

"You are not fit to be the principal any longer!" Rumbridge said. Boy, was that an understatement. "You are too old and your Alzheimers is worsening! You must retire or Voldemort will kill everyone!"

"Very well..." Dumbledore muttered. "But we cannot do this. We cannot close the school! There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is int he school! Her name is...IVORY LI'GHT RIVER SMILE WHATEVER WAY!"

We all gasped collectively.


	23. Chapter 23

The door opened and Proff. R and Cornelia stomped out angrily. They were followed by Dumbledork. Rumbridge noticed us and hit DumbDork and nodded at us.

"Miss. Way! What the [beep] are you doing?!" Rummy shouted.

"Oopsies, sorry, guys, she meant to say hi." Dumbdork smiled at us. "Come in, all of you."

We all went, very angry. The other students did too. I sat between Amanda and Draco and opposite Ch'hristmas Mary. Crabbe and Goyle started to make jokes about weight lifting. They both looked like Harry from 1D. I ate some Lucky Charms with liquefied glitter. Then I heard gun shots. I look back to find Pixie Boy and Draco, who apparently had gotten up, having a gun fight!

"Pixie Boy, Draco! What are you _doing_?!" I yelled.

"You bastard!" Draco screamed at Pixie. "I want to defecate next to her!"

"Nah! I'll do it!"

"Noooo way, she loves me! Not you!" Then Pixie jumped on Draco and they began to punch each other.

"Dumbdork yelled at them from afar.

"Hey, you kids, stop that!"

But they didn't stop.

SUDDENLY! A weird dude with red eyes and no nose, basically Voldemort, flew in on a broomstick. He had no nose, how's that for redundancy? He ore a gray robe too, like it matters. The window had broken upon his entry. Eville Evilson, that emo girl from earlier, started crying blood. Ew. Pixie and Draco stopped fighting and we all stopped what we were doing. e all collectively gasped. The room was now silent.

"Ivoryyyyyyy...Ivoooooryyyyyyyy..." Darth Vader said as he entered through he front door. Voldemort glared down at him and shot him to death with a convenient gun.

"Anyway," Voldemort said. "Ivory, you have failed your task! You shall die! ALL OF YOU!"

"No, please don't!" I begged on my knees.

"No! Kill him or I will kill him anyhow!" Then he flew away cackling. If I had known earlier that was what it took to make him go away I would've done it sooner.

I cried, the glitter sticking to my face again. Draco and Pixie comforted me. My eyes, for some reason, rolled up inside my head. I sure hope this looks super cute and not weird. I had a vision for no apparent reason! I saw lightning and Voldemort coming to kill Pixie and Draco trying to fend him off with dumbbells.

"Nooooooo!" I howled into the sky. I hoped I looked hawt and sexy doing that. Then I stopped having a vision.

"Ivory! Are you okay?!" Draco asked.

"Yeah. Sure. Whatevs," I said as I got up.

"It'll be ok, Ivory." Pixie said.

"No, no it won't be!" I bellowed in his face. Glitter ran down my cheeks. "What is going on?! What did you do, Eville?! Was this you!? Are you possessing me?!" I screamed at the blood-tear stained girl.

She just ran away.

"It's okay, babe," C'hristmas Mary said. "Maybe Prof. T knows what's going on."

I sniffled. "Ok, hoe."

I got up and went away.


	24. Chapter 24

We all had Divination class next so I got to talk to Proff. T about my visions.

"Hola! Come in, everyone!" she exclaimed in Spanish. Her cherry red lipstick was shiny and pretty. She was the most rad teacher ever! She had long chestnut brown hair and dark-ish skin and her eyes were an electric green. Her mom was a pixie like mine was and her dad was a guy from Venezuela. She was super young to be a teacher. Maybe that's why she is rad, she's young and cool. She was wearing a white and pink stripped blouse and pink jeans. We went into her pink frilly room with posters of Justin Bieber everywhere. I raced my hand around the room like a race car. I was wearing neon pink nail polish with flowers on them.

"What is it, Ivory?" she asked. "By the way, I totes love your nail polish! Did you get it Sephora?"

"Yaaaasss," I answered. All the emo freaks stared at me and hissed. I sneered at them and swiped my hair at them as I swiveled my head back to the teacher.

"I need to talk to you," I said. "When can we talk?"

"Eh, now is fine!" she clapped for the class's attention.

"Alright, dickbags, get out. Class is dismissed!" The students got up to leave and she suddenly pointed at that emo freak Eville Evilson and some other goffs. "Except for you! Do every single problem in chapter seven!"

Proff. T sat with me at her desk.

"I've been having visions," I said, worried. I was so worried for Draco.

She gave me a pink crystal ball to look in. I looked.

"What do you see?" she asked.

"I see Hillary Duff holding some Holister shirts."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I saw Draco peeking from behind the door as he cracked it open. He looked so hawt in his blue polo tucked into his pink shorts and the pink sweater tied around his neck.

"I'll see you later then, Hoe-bag," she said to me.

"Bye, slut!" I said waving.

I went with Draco and Pixie Boy, who suddenly was there. We followed Draco somewhere.


	25. Chapter 25

I was excited. I followed Draco, wondering what we were gonna do. We went outside to Draco's car. Pixie vanished in thin air.

"Ivory, what did Proff. T say?" Draco asked in a whisper. He put his spiffy, neat hands on mine.

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant tomorrow." I had told him this, but she had never said it but whatever. He took out a bible and a golden cross and prayed to the good Lord because praying is better than drugs. He started to fly the car into a tree. Glass and blood was everywhere.

We got on top of it and Draco played some Lady Gaga.

"I wanna take a ride on your disco stick!" sang Lady Gaga's fabulous rad voice. We starting tilting the cloves off of some onions for fun. Then Draco pinned me down on the car and we started to do suggestive things. He took off my pink lingerie. Then he put some more screws in me along with other tools. I'm not sure why he gets off to this, but whatever floats his boat.

"Ohmahgaw, Draaaccoooooooooooooooooo!" I screeched into the night air. I was getting an organism. We started speaking French passively. We were getting very good at it. Then, as an obvious compliment to Draco's screw ability, I fell asleep. I had a dream. There was a black dude shooting two guys!

"Nuuu don't kill us, plz!" they pleaded but they were shot anyway. He ran away, Flintstones style, in a red car.

"NuuuuUUUU!" I shrieked.

"Ivory, what's wrong?!" he asked. I woke up and was breathing heavily.

I began to cry glitter tears. I told Draco to call Pixie Boy. He did on his iPhone 8. This was terrible...the guys getting shot were...dramatic build up...LUCIAN AND SERIOUS!


	26. Chapter 26

**In case this does not make sense, I tend to open the re host of My Immortal and just use that to write chapters. Reading that chapter might make it easier. **

Pixie Boy poofed into existence at the tree where we wrecked the car. He was wearing, like you car, a pink polo shirt with white pants. I still managed to flirt with him while I was crying.

"Hey, sexy," I said. Draco held me close. I cried more glitter as I told them what happened.

"Oh frickle frackles! What dickle dackle did that?!" Pixie Boy yelled, angry.

"I dunno. We have to tell DUMBledore!" I said frantically all of a sudden.

We sprinted away from the wreckage towards the school. Dumbdork was in his office, staring at the wall.

"Bro, our dads have been shot, bro!" Draco said while we took it upon ourselves to wipe tears from his face and lick them off of our fingers. "Ivory dreamt of it!"

"Lel," Dumbdork said. "Do you expect me to believe such delusional morons?"

I shot him with my eyes.

"Look here, you mothertoucher," nobody in particular said. Dumbdork gasped at the disembodied voice. "You know very well I, the disembodied voice, am not delusional! Now get someone out there to look for those dudes! Now!"

"Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright. Where dey at doe?" he asked.

I thought about it for a while then a word popped in my head.

"London!" I said. I told him where exactly in London and he sent people out and they did stuff and things. It's not important because it doesn't pertain to me. After a while someone called in. They said they found them. Draco, PB, and I left for my room. Then we made a sudden desicion to go to the nurse's office. Pixie went away to lift some weights. We looked at each other's beautiful bright eyes. Then, we face battled. Suddenly...Lucian and dude guy came in on stretchers! And prof. T was there!


	27. Chapter 27, Shake It Off

**I am so gonna do a parody of the forbiden fruit of edward cullen after this.**

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><p>Everyone cried from joy. I had saved them! Everyone hugged me and showered me with praise. The nurse gave the guys some meds that somehow healed them.<p>

"Let's go, Ivory," Proff. T said. She was wearing a tight white sundress with daises on it and white sandals. "I have to tell you my prediction."

I went with her. I smelled the halls as I followed her into a bright pink room. We sat down in front of crystal ball.

"Cee-I mean-Ivoryyyyy, I see dark times near!" she said darkly. "You must go back in time." She took out a time turner.

"When Voldemort was in Hogwarts be became so powerful because of a broken heart. Do you think he'd be the way he is if he'd fallen in love?" she asked. I shrugged and nodded.

"You must go back and seduce him! It is the only wayyyy. If he is still evil then you must murder him You can come to my room tomorrow and do it."

"Uh, okay," I said. I left and sighed.

"What happened?!" Draco and Pixie Boy asked.

"Yaass, what happened, giiirl?" Smith and C'hristmas asked.

I was about to tell them but there were too many people around. They were celebrating. Everyone was so proud of me but I just wanted to talk to Draco right now. They were cheering my name and reporters were clawing at each other to talk to me. A banner was put up. Lots of Goffick emos were hissing in the corner. A frilly pink cake had been brought out. Crabbe and Goyle set up some fireworks in the shape of Hillary Duff.

I splashed the invisibility Coke on Draco, me, and Pixie and we snuck out.


	28. Chapter 28

**happy merry holidays and stuff!**

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><p>We into into a pink room. The pink walls were pink and there were posters of cool bands and singers like Kelly Clarkson and Taylor Swift everywhere. There was a big, pink, frilly bed in the middle. There were three random chairs made of pixie dust and kitty plushies. I was wearing a tight pink halter top with frills on the boobers and a tight black mini skirt with Nicki Minaj's face on the butt and a pink thong underneath.<p>

I saw on the one of the chairs. So did Draco and Pixie Boy.

"Are you ok?" Pixie asked, putting his hand on mine.

"Yasss...I guess so..." I sighed. Draco also put his hand on mine. I smiled at them with my cherry red lipstick that also tasted like cherries.

"The thing is...I have to seduce Voldemort. i have to go back in time."

Draco gasped. Pixie hugged him.

"It'll be ok, Ivory," someone said but I can't be bothered to tell you who. "But what about me? You're not going to break up with me, are you?"

"Of course not, bae!" I gasped in surprise.

"Rlly?" he asked.

"Sure. Whatevs."

We started to mouth battle. Pixie watched in a weird way.

Then Draco started to take off his blue #swag shirt and white shorts with yellow #yolo's all over them. He was so hawt. He replaced the Pixie Boy tattoo with one that said 'Ivory' instead. There were red roses all around it. He looked so much like Dean from Spoopernatural. Pixie took out his camera phone, I said it'd be cool if he recorded.

I took off my clothes. We were in for a wild ride. We mouth battled again as we climbed on the bed. He put screws in me while imitating Spock from Star Trek.

"I love you, sugar tits! Let me touch your special princesses parts ily!" he screamed while organisming. We stopped and stared into the camera for a while. Then suddenly...

"WHAT THE FRICLE FAKS ARE YOU DOING?!"

It was...Snape and Proff. G!

du n dun dunnnnnn


End file.
